Mirroring Me

Time's Up

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 16:55:16 GMT

Did you know I've been back in the US for over two weeks now? It's really shocking to me it hasn't been longer. Sure feels like it's already been forever. Being back makes everything awkward. I don't feel right talking to well... any friend--Taiwanese, exchanger, or old friend alike. I don't feel right talking to my family (likewise--Taiwanese or American). And what's there to say when someone asks, "Oh, how was Taiwan?" Worse still, what's there to say when someone asks, "Oh, how was Taiwan?" ......giving you a blank look that clearly actually means, "Where is that place anyways?"

But I'm in San Antonio at least. Lucky thing that is, because it sort of lets me stay away from, well, any life I've lived before. No need to be in Oklahoma City, conflicted about who I used to be and who I am now. Not in Taiwan, either, where I lived an adjusted life... but with the constant back-thought that "this is only temporary." Like I said life here is a life I've never lived before, but there are some cons in the deal. Namely, I'm here with no car, no money, no job, no friends, and nothing to do. Like I said, "a life I've never lived before." It's boring.... and very lonely.

And is it something Taiwan did to me, or is it something that has to do with coming home? Never in my life have I felt so anxious about everything. Driving makes me paranoid ("That car could have hit me!"), meeting people makes me shy ("What if they don't like me?"), and thoughts of university just make me a wreck of nerves ("What if I can't figure out what I'm supposed to do?!") I'm unsure of everything now... I'm unsure of myself.

I've never felt as strongly as I now feel about how necessary it is for me to do the right thing, to be a good person, to have manners and empathy, and to just try to help people. I don't want to lose touch of what this feels like.

I guess I've had many mentors through it all, more than I could name really, but thank God for them because this year has really taught me a lot.

More than I could ever have imagined.

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 01:08:37 GMT

I have only a few days remaining in Taiwan. It’s not a lot, no kidding. And what have I done with my exchange? Honestly, I’m not sure I know. The last few days, maybe even the last week or two, has really made me start to think about all this and reflect on what all the time, money, and energy involved amounted to.

Thank God we all have our ups and downs. My feelings towards Taiwan are just that—one minute content, the next frustrated, and ten minutes (or ten days) later ecstatic. However, most recently, things have been on the up and up, and I’m happy to say I will be leaving Taiwan without regrets.

Still, my friends, Western and Taiwanese alike, have made me realize there’s always more one can do to take a situation and make it into an experience. Just recently after being out of school for a couple of weeks, I went back up during lunch to see my classmates. For as boring as school was when I did attend class, you’d think a return visit wouldn’t strike my fancy…. and yet there was something so charming, so nostalgic, about being able to just sit around making jokes with my friends and classmates again. It felt ordinary and yet a million years gone—just being there at school, just knowing that this has been such a part of my life, no matter how dull or agonizing.

Two days ago my closest school friends took me out for dinner. I sat there thinking how much I would miss them, in awe at how easy our friendship developed. If someone had told me five years ago that I would go to Taiwan unable speak a word of Chinese, I would have never thought I could really make any friends, let alone feel close and at ease in their company. Ten months’ time, though, that’s all it took.

In an earlier post I said, “Differences make conversation, but similarities make friends.” Maybe I made a mistake. What I didn’t realize earlier was that I did have similarities with my classmates, they just weren’t in the places I expected. I was too blind-sighted to see that what I have in common with my Western friends doesn’t have to be what I share with my Taiwanese friends. I will miss the way they laughed and made fun of each other, ever able to sit and chat for hours. I’ll miss them.

But there’s more. On top of my classmates, my families have made me realize people, not locations, are what really matter. It’s a shame the sort of relationships I had with my families and Rotary club members are so rare among exchanges. More than anything, this aspect is what makes or breaks an exchange.

A few nights ago, I had a going away part with my Rotary club. The moment I walked in my first family greeted me—and, my God, the wave of emotion seeing them brought over me. The first family is different than all the rest. The way I feel towards mine is probably similar to how a baby feels towards its mother—they taught me how to speak, how to act. They saw me make mistakes and be uncomfortable. They showed me around, explained why life works the way it does here. Their support is what led me from baby-steps to full-grown. They made me feel like there’s no need to worry.

And in natural progression from my first family, who cared for the “baby” me, my second family got the mature and capable version. With them I had the sort of conversations and experiences that can only happen after a certain amount of growth in understanding. It made what I had with family #2 much deeper than anything I ever had with family #1. And while my first family will forever care for me, it’s my relationship with my second family I know I must always maintain. The former is unconditional love, the “no matter what”; the latter is a real bond based on real events and situations. It’s what’s real, period. Over dinner tonight, my second host mom said since their family had no daughters and I was the first girl to come stay with them, I really had become their own child. Point in case, she carries a picture of me in her wallet.

When I get to talking about my third family, however, I’m not really sure what I should say. They taught me to be Chinese more than anyone else. They showed me what traditional life was like. They offered me an exchange, something I had to trade my Western lifestyle in for. Turns out I didn’t like it, but could I have learned what I did any other way? Yet actually, I grew to like life in their house, and I wish I had been less resistant to them from the beginning. I had less than six weeks with them, but I wasted most of it. Pity.

Though I could go on to describe how so many other people here have helped me grow—Tina, Yvonne, my Tae Kwon Do coaches, my Chinese teachers, and my role models at school—it’s enough to say that the people I met here are invaluable. Without them I wouldn’t have had an exchange—my time here would have been a vacation in isolation, just watching my surroundings go by through a glass window instead of living in the world around me.

But now that it’s about time to leave, it’s like taking a step back, taking a deep breath, and taking a good look at all that is here. What is this place? Do I like it? Love it? Tolerate it? Hate it? Yes, yes, yes, and yes. But that’s what life is right? No one can live a normal life absolutely loving or hating everything. Good and bad, you got to have both—that’s what’s real, and the balance makes you appreciate what you’ve got. Taiwan is a part of me because I lived here, and I lived a life as real as I could get. That’s why like it, love it, tolerate it, and hate it. That’s why I know I will come back.

Instead of rushing around trying to get the most out of my last few days here, I haven’t done anything too special. Lance's philosophy, too. I haven’t really stopped normal life long enough to think about the fact that I’m going home. I figure having a “near-death-mentality” like that is actually less memorable than just trying to enjoy the last sweet, sweet moments of life in Taiwan. As a result though, I haven’t really come to realize the fact that I’m going back to the US so soon. Take tonight. I kept thinking to myself how fun it would be to chat with my host mom about my real mother after she returns to the US. Then I realized I wouldn’t be here to have that chat… that I was exiled to accompany her home. It felt like I was missing out. Everything here will keep going on as usual, just without me.

And me, without Taiwan. Well, I guess I’m off now to start something new myself. When I came here, I missed home. Now it’s time to go home…. missing home.

Tue, 15 May 2007 07:28:38 GMT

I just spent an hour looking at all my past posts. A year ago last May, I was making every entry in Spanish. In Spanish. My God! I am so upset with myself. I just don't know it anymore. It took less than a year to forget what I have been learning seriously for seven years, what I have been hearing and speaking as a second language since childhood. Okay, yes, I can learn it again easily. I'm gonna be living in San Antonio, going to a school with more than 75% Hispanic student body. Still. Just look at what I used to be able to do:
"Esta mañana yo fui al doctor antes de mi examen BI. Fue lo normal. La última cosa que mi doctora lo hizo, sin embargo, fue mi presión arterial y pulso. Siempre son abajo para mi-- los dos. Como 110/70 y 60 o algo. Hoy era 135/88 y 92. Ella me preguntó si hago ejercicios regulares o si he sentido bien recientemente. Yo la dije sí y expliqué que estoy con mucho ansiedad ésta mes--especialmente con el examen ésta mañana. Mi doctora creía que lo es, pero ahora me preocupa mi salud."

In a year, will my Chinese be like that? What I know now, all forgotten?

Also, check this out. This is what I had to say about exchange students just after my orientation last June:
"I mean, the people you interact with make or break the trip after all. So everyone at camp was nice in an unartificial way because we're all on the road to being "the only people who will ever understand eachother."
They're two people going to Taiwan. Myself and my roommate from Camp Maria. (Mary and Maria. Wooo). At camp they grouped us by area of the world and we usually shared a room with someone going to the same place. Maria is amazing. She just is. She is Chilean, moved here when she was 4 or 5. She's beautiful, too, funny, and just "chill." Nothing stuck up or whatever. We shared everything and had no modesty about the bathroom door, BO, changing clothes. We talked about everything. You know, I think exchange students develop something akin to a sibling relationship from the get go. We all want to like and usually do understand eachother. I really enjoyed camp."

This is my Experience

Tue, 15 May 2007 03:01:50 GMT

Rotary asked us to submit a one-page report summarizing our experience this year. It's hard to narrow everything down to fit into a page, but in the end, this is what I had to say:

First, I would like to thank Rotary District 3480 and my Rotary Club 新店碧潭社 for hosting me in Taiwan. Both have offered me innumerable learning opportunities. For that I am truly grateful. Yet as an exchange student, I think it is important for me to also exchange my culture with Taiwan.

One important aspect of American culture is that from childhood we are taught to form our own opinions. Moreover, we are taught to voice these opinions with others, including our elders. As a result, we are very open and honest when expressing our ideas, and we learn to have confidence in our beliefs and in ourselves. Doing so earns others’ trust and respect. As such, I feel it is necessary for me to be straightforward and honest about my experience as an exchange student. Please understand that I do not mean to offend anybody.

I came to Taiwan with no expectations of what this year would be like. I did, however, come with preconceived ideas about what would make my exchange successful. I thought I should avoid speaking English as if it was a disease and the other exchange students were the carriers. I thought every minute in school should be spent in a desk studying Chinese. I thought the stronger the relationship I had with my classmates and families, the more I would understand Taiwan. This is how I lived my life for the first half of my exchange year. In general, I can say that what I thought proved to be true. Yet I still I ended up disappointed with the way things were going. I may have been successful, but I was unhappy.

Avoiding English and other exchange students is simply impossible. Spending every minute of school studying Chinese drove me crazy with boredom. My relationship with my classmates never developed past “polite acquaintances” because Taiwanese students lack the time to have a social life. My relationships with my families were always shattered just when we were beginning to get close because I had to move. I was disappointed. I was a frustrated.

After Chinese New Year, I threw in the towel. I had put a lot of effort into doing everything just as I had been told to do, only to realize that my success here lacked any depth. When my year in Taiwan was up, I would go home unchanged, having learned nothing about myself, having made no long-lasting friends. I had just followed the path already laid out for me, done everything by the book. I needed to find my own road and learn from the journey and exploration. I was burned out and fed up with my cookie-cutter experience.

So I changed my mind about things. I decided to stop giving up my time trying to be friends with my classmates when they had no time to give me. I decided that since the time I spent in school would be the only chance to interact with my classmates, I should take every chance to have fun with them instead of endlessly studying Chinese. I decided that while the relationships I had with my families were exceptional, spending every evening at home with them would not improve the quality of my exchange. Most importantly, I decided that the other exchange students were invaluable sources of friendship and information. We all came from different places and can learn and grow from each other. Moreover, I realized how lucky we were to have at least one common language—English—through which to become friends.

My exchange experience has been markedly polarized. Since the first half of the year I have done a full 180゜, my attitude has changed entirely. Overall, this year has taught me a lot, but specifically, the single most worthwhile lesson I learned is this: everyone has expectations for me and would like me to lead my life according to plan, but in the end I have to decide what I want. My definition of success may not always coincide, but unless I pursue my own aspirations, I can never be truly successful—I will only be disappointed and frustrated.

Unfortunately, I feel that the cultural environment in Taiwan is far too constraining for this kind of outlook, and that it is generally frowned upon for young people to be so head strong. It is ironic, really—I learned an indispensable lesson in Taiwan, but I have to return home before I can put what I have learned to use. Well then, I guess it comes down to this: I am ready to go home.

Thank you,

Mary Hestilow

陳逸蘭

Tue, 01 May 2007 07:49:07 GMT

*Note: I wrote this last Tuesday, but haven't had a chance to post it until now.

Wow, I must be on a roll because over the last few days I've found so much to write about, never lacking inspiration for words.

But before I get on with today's post, I want to say thanks to Sam for his referral. Until just recently no one in Taiwan read my LJ. I feel a little exposed now, but it's also good because I don't think I could ever voice most of what I've written here. All you exchangers can read this AND understand it, knowing just where I'm coming from. That's rare. Between everyone's comments and what Sam has had to say in your own blog... well, it's just great to have shared the insight and support. Thanks guys.

And now to break that tender moment, I have something to complain about. Yesterday in Chinese class we watched the movie Curse of the Golden Flower. I'm not sure whether the US imported it or not. Personally, I hope it never made it to US theaters as it wasn't that good. Yet what it lacks in focus, it makes up for in aesthetics. That is, while the storyline was messier and more pointless than that of most soap operas, its imagery and (more importantly) the language was beautiful.

So about that language bit, then. I will be boastful for the moment and say that in Taiwan I understand pretty much everything I hear. I also have no problem understanding Taiwanese TV, even though most of the time the programs are too annoying to bear and a waste of time. Yet while watching the movie yesterday, I understood less than half--no, a third--of what was said. Why? Well, it was filmed in standard Mandarin. As my classmate Annika said, "You know, this is what I always imagined Chinese to sound like. It's so sad I don't know what they're saying." Well, thank God for subtitles then, right?

But no, we are all confused by the language because Mandarin has as many variations as Chinese has dialects. While this may make for an interesting cultural experience, it is not conducive to learning Chinese as a second language. What is spoken in Beijing is considered the standard, correct dialect of Mandarin. Yet from Beijing to Taipei, the language has to travel about 1,200 miles.

In case "1,200 miles" means no more to you than "a very, very big distance," let me put a visual to this. From Brooklyn, New York, to Jackson, Mississippi, is roughly 1,200 miles. Now imagine Oprah invited a person from both these cities to come and be interviewed together on her show. I think the first thing that would be obvious to viewers is that these two guests have a very different accent (not to mention how this would sound to the mostly Chicagoan studio audience, whose accents are equally strange, even though they are only about 800 miles away from both Brooklyn and Jackson). And that's within our own borders!

So obviously, the variations Mandarin picks up as it travels from Beijing down the Chinese coast and across the Taiwan Strait to finally make it to Taipei are many. Frustrating. And yet I won't go so far as to say learning Chinese in Taiwan has been completely worthless. It's like wearing tinted sunglasses. You know, those types that come in strange colors like purple, pink, blue, red... You can see, but everything has a funny tint. Imagine wearing something like that, but over your ears instead of eyes. Everything just sounds off-color. It will just take some time to undo the damage the Taiwanese accent has caused, but it's important to remember that I still have learned more Chinese in Taiwan than could ever have been possible had I not come here on exchange.

Sun, 29 Apr 2007 17:38:54 GMT

As a follow up to my last post, I just want to jot down the toast my dad made to me tonight. The first half was English, the second half Chinese.

These are the words our glasses we raised to. "To Li Yi Lan, who brought us so many happy moments, ones we will always share, ones we will never forget. 希望妳回妳的美國家庭的時候,記得妳永遠也是我們的家人. 我們愛妳."

Another Post About Feelings :-p

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 15:59:01 GMT

I have to admit, I've gotten very lucky with my host families. My first one kept me for six months, were lenient, and did not live too far from all that goes on in Taipei. My sister Yi Chu quickly became my best friend and teacher.

This second family is completely different from my first; loud, sometimes strict, rich, and inconveniently south of Taipei. Yet with them I not only have brothers and parents, but two grandmas, cousins, uncles and aunts. It is like the Chinese version of Big Fat Greek Wedding where the girl says everyone is in everyone else's business, always so noisy, and just eating, eating, eating. Our house always seems to be hosting parties, guests from foreign countries, and everyone in my Rotary likes to come here to use our kitchen to cook for their friends (the other club members).

I really feel a part of both families in the time I lived with them, though the two are utterly incomparable. When I first changed families, I made a post in tribute to my first home stay. I now have to move on to my third host, but this second family more than deserves a moment of gratitude.

Fact is, at first I couldn't stand living here. Besides the obvious disadvantage of living so far away, I had problems with the family itself. My mom seemed strict. With just a frown or certain tone of voice my overgrown guilt complex always had me imagining I had done something wrong. My dad seemed absent, an alcoholic, overly critical, a perfectionist, and too eager to speak English with me. My older brother didn't want to get to know me, my little brother was just plain annoying. Worst, my Ama perfectly filled the role of Chinese matriarch. To better explain what I mean by that, I'm going to quote Amy Tan on this. She said it best in The Bonesetter's Daughter:

I often complained to Precious Auntie that Mother did not love
me. "Stop your nonsense," Precious Auntie would answer. "Didn't
you hear her today? She said your sewing stitches were sloppy.
And she mentioned your skin was getting too dark. If she didn't
love you, why did she bother to criticize you for your own good?"

And that's just it. Her constant comments made me feel terrible about myself, but as I got used to it, I also better understood her underlying meaning. The same could be said for my mom and her strictness. My dad ended up not being so much of a drunkard as I thought (and only when he was drinking did his English come out). My older brother may have been quiet, but the feeling I got from him was he wanted to protect me like a li'l sis, and my little brother, of course, is annoying like any little brother, but he's also really fun and helpful. It took me too long to realize this, but after living here for a couple months, I was more or less used to all these personalities. With them, I was very open, discussing any number of things, and my parents came to believe that I was responsible and could be trusted to take care of myself.

The day before we left on our Taiwan Tour, my Ama came to my room while I was packing. She wanted to tell me about a conversation she'd had with my mom the night before. My mom said to Ama that she remembered when I first came here that I called her "Auntie" not "Mama," but after only a week or two I switched to the latter, and it made her really happy to be thus called. Never having had a daughter before she was unhappy about me having to change families, and said to Ama that she wished she could tell me how much she cares for me, she just didn't know how to say it. Ama did me the favor of passing the message on. Ama had long since also started treating me like the daughter, not the American, and told me she was mad Rotary sent them such a good child and only to take me away again to send to a new family.

A similar situation occurred with my dad. I don't feel awkward talking to him like I did with my first host dad, and it's actually been really fun having him for a father. Last Saturday at the Rotary District Conference, I went to talk to my Rotary club members (okay, and kiss ass a little, I admit), and they took pictures of me with my dad. Later, after dinner a different member from my Rotary club, Bank, brought me home. Without any prompting, he started a conversation with me about how my dad had been telling the members at their table that night about how nice it's been to have me here, how he wishes I was his real daughter and didn't have to return to America.

On our Taiwan Tour, I called my mom every day or two because it made her happy. When I got home, she insisted on helping me get things settled, made up my bed with fresh sheets, and we chatted about lots of things. At some point, the conversation turned to the fact about having to change families, and I asked if there was any way I could stay instead. Until I said these words, my parents were both unwilling to try for anything, even though they wanted this, too. However, upon hearing me say as much, my mom started working on ways to make it so I could stay.

For a week, she and my third host mom exchanged polite phone calls about the situation, but because my third host father stays in China for most of the year, he wasn't at home to decide on this issue. Things seemed to be sounding good though, until last night when I came home my mom gave me a little present and asked me to sit down with her. She started crying and told me she'd gotten her hopes up, but there was no way-- I had to change families. My third father is a bit of a stickler. Upon hearing that I was asking permission to stay, he called my current dad and said he should be embarrassed, asking for so much and trying to break Rotary rules. So the story unfolded, and my mom and I talked for two or three hours. It was really sad to see her crying and frustrated after trying so hard for a week; I was so touched to know how much she felt for me and wanted to cry too.

At some point in those few hours, we were just stared off into space, and she kept repeating that my time left here in Taiwan was already so short. What a shame my third father was so particular that even if I only had two weeks left instead of 30-some-odd days, I'd still have to move to their house. Ama was just angry, and Didi didn't want to talk about it. I think my dad was a little upset about being berated by my third father. What a messy situation!

So today I didn't do anything after school but come straight home. My classmates wanted to take me to Shilin Nightmarket; I turned them down saying I wanted to spend time with my mom. I came home and we chatted for another hour, had dinner together, then went out to shop, have coffee, do whatever. All evening, it was just the two of us. We didn't run out of things to talk about. We didn't ever feel awkward or distant.

I told her one thing that I really do believe: It's hard to be an exchange student. I get here and spend the first half of the year missing home. I spend the second half of that year realizing how much I will miss everyone I met on exchange. And then, by the time I go home, there's just nothing happy about the situation at all. The people I return home to have changed just as I have; the people I left behind are just that: left behind.

My mom just responded that she was glad I had learned so much.

And really, I'm glad about it too.

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 15:28:33 GMT

It's been several days now since I came back from my round Taiwan tour. I have yet to finish unpacking, nor have I managed to make an attempt at writing down all the thoughts that this trip inspired. Since unpacking doesn't sound like any fun, for the moment, I'm just going to bother with the latter.

From April 15-20, I went with Rotary Inbound and Outbound students on a trip around Taiwan. In that time I realized quite a bit about what this exchange means to me. Before, being in Taiwan was always decent, but never felt significant in one way or another. Now, I realize that no matter the place or event, the people with whom one shares these experiences are what make any of it worth remembering.

From August to January, I lived in Taiwan and can honestly say I thought things were going well. I missed home, I missed my family, I missed my friends, but knowing the time was definite, I managed not to get too upset about being so far from everyone I loved. Meanwhile I had made some friends here. My host sisters Yi Chu and (to a lesser extent) Yi Ting, a few college kids, including Xiao Mi and Kiwi, plus fickle acquaintances with my classmates seemed to count well enough. The fact that I didn't feel close enough to them to really talk about my life, though, or share my opinions and past transgressions, I merely excused as the fault of time-- I hadn't yet known them long enough to be so open, so close.

While this theory may be true in some ways, I think there's a bigger reason to blame. Be it culture or age difference, I'm not sure, but I think the experience gap between Western kids and all the young people I've met in Taiwan is huge. In lots of ways, our lives 'til now have been lived out so differently that we really have no common grounds on which to build a relationship. I can't talk to my classmates about parties, drinking, sex. They're 17 and some of the most misbehaved in Taipei, but their thoughts about all these things is comparable to what how we considered these topics at age 11. But maybe that's too heavy of a topic to start with anyways... Let's say instead I just want to talk to them about school. Because our systems are run so differently, it's hard to talk about what I thought was toilsome in high school versus their ideas on it. And what about college? Even the application process here is different, so how can I even begin to ask about how students choose their majors or careers (when actually, the answer is that most students don't choose for themselves at all, another big difference). Differences may make conversation, but similarities make friends.

Sadly, this rift is somewhat impassable, and completely impossible to bridge in just one year. Making these friends has given me a look into the culture of Taiwanese young people, but I will ever be an observer, not an insider. And believe me, that's just fine by me.

It's not the Taiwanese then that have made my life in Taiwan so special. It's been the other exchange students. Most of us come from similar backgrounds. Most of us have similar expectations and goals. Most of us have had the same complaints, same concerns, and same reasons to be overjoyed, crushed, or pissed off from the very beginning. It is inevitable, then, that those closest to me on exchange have been the other exchangers themselves. And while trying to be involved in Taiwanese social life had its own benefits, I still feel it's unfortunate that it took me until just recently to realize that when I go home I will remember best and miss most not the Taiwanese or Taiwan but my fellow foreigners who fought through all this with me.

From April 15th to 20th, I spent nearly every minute with these guys: traveling, drinking, eating, sleeping, drinking, laughing, clubbing, drinking, playing, fighting, forgetting, and then drinking more. We were always in close quarters (buses, hotel rooms, lunch tables, and all), and every aspect of our lives seemed to overlap with eachother's. To some extent, I felt like I lost a feel for my own self and my own personal space; everything and everyone just became so much of my life that nothing seemed to happen without them.

The moment I got back to Taipei was hard. My first night back home felt so confusing. It was 10pm, but I wasn't with half a dozen other people getting ready to go buy stuff and party. I had no plans for the night but sleep, and (though I was tired and did want sleep) that was just plain depressing. Over the past few days since being back to normal life, I've seen everyone plenty, but the stark and sudden separation brought on a premonition for what will happen come July. To leave Taiwan will be hard because it will mean leaving these friends.

I loved high school, and I loved my high school friends. But there were so many of us, and we were always on different tracks about our goals, our own definitions of success, about what our purpose was for being there in the first place. Graduation meant leaving everyone, but somehow I didn't feel our separation would lead to inevitable loneliness.

My perception of leaving Taiwan is just that, however. Being here is just as real to me as my life anywhere has ever been. I feel like I've known everyone, all these exchangers, for all my life, though really it's been only eight months. How is it I can go to school with one person for years and years and never think twice about them, but live in a foreign country with someone for several months and "best friends" doesn't even seem to suffice as a description of our relationship?

I just don't know what to do when I go home. To say goodbye to everyone in the first place will be hard-- it's best to be realistic and know that for the most part I will never see these people (who I call "best friends") ever again. And then to suddenly be without them, and not only that but without any sort of life I know how to live? I won't go back "home" to my old OKC life and friends, I won't be in Taiwan with that life and friends. I will have my family. I will have Lance. Is that enough to carry me for two months in a new city and situation until college starts and I find new friends to smooth the sharp loneliness until it's just a dull annoyance and finally forgotten? Does forgetting how it feels to lose friends signify forgetting what the friends meant to me in the first place?

Until this trip around Taiwan, I don't think could have said so clearly what these people mean to me. It's still a shock to realize how easily these friends were made, how easily they will be left behind. To go home may sound comforting, but really, it is a very lonely thing.

I wish I could let them all know how much this exchange means to be because of them. How much they mean to me.

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 14:19:03 GMT

Last month, Rotary asked me to talk about my school life. I wrote a speech. It wasn't scathing, but what I had to say was that Kai Nan isn't Taipei's best school-- and thank God because my classmates lack the capacity to speak English with me and take me out instead of going to cram school. What I didn't realize was that I would have to give this speech not to Rotarians, but to all of Taiwan's board of education, as well as a number of newspaper reporters.

By making the next day's news, I brought my school down on me. My classmates laughed; everyone else wanted to tell me I was wrong or that it wasn't good of a kid to be so presumptuous and present such ideas. They missed the point: I was saying I liked their school--it's why I can speak Chinese. I think it gives their students the chance to have a life, and going there is a least a little more like American schools. Doesn't matter, Taiwanese schools have only one factor to consider when assessing the success of their students: tests. (Much worse than Texas public school system, No Child Left Behind, etc.)

Really though, Kai Nan isn't all that bad of a school. I realized that the other night at our school's band concert-- they were really good... and if they can be good at music and not Math or English, then what else are they good at? It's a vocational school, right? Well, it's advertising/design kids are great at drawing (that is, they're good at drawing anime in their text books when they should be taking notes on logarithms). It's car maintenance track kids are great mechanics (that is, they're good at smelling greasy while they "take a break" to stand against a wall, flirting with the girls who walk by). The tourism/entertainment department students would all make great hosts/hostesses (that is, they are good at mixing cocktails and drinking them in class, and know just how to break into the mock hotel room in the school basement and use it, well... as a motel room). And then, regardless of department, everyone is great at enjoying themselves (that is, they all seem to know where the best places are to go for a cigarette break without leaving campus--or even the the building-- and how to stall as much as possible in both getting to and attending class so that a 50 minute period never has anymore than 20 minutes of taught lesson).

Really, I know what I said to the papers didn't come across all that great... but what I could have said would have been worse. Fortunately, it's all these "bad" things that make me glad I ended up at the one school in Taipei whose students aren't much different from American teenagers (despite the fact that they are still that much more naive about life and lack the experience needed to make good decisions).

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 14:39:58 GMT

I understand now why you all always post about school to-do lists. It's stress relief. Why do I realize this now? Well, I just had the thought of outlining the rest of the month because I thought I'd feel better to tell everyone how tired I am and why. Don't ask, it's bad logic.

But I am exhausted.

Taiwanese phenomenom: There's three years to highschool, corresponding to the American grades 10, 11 and 12. Complete the third year and you graduate. Graduate and you get to go on a graduation trip... right? Wrong. Graduation trip takes place during year two (it has to do with an over-developed sense of test anxiety), and yes it's still called a "graduation trip."

Similarly, the ROTEXes (Taiwanese students who went abroad in the past) here are throwing us a "farewell party" on April 28th.

Um. None of us leave til late June.

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 10:21:41 GMT

Let's see, back home schools I went to had the tornado drill, the security drill, and the fire drill, right? Today I got to experience a new drill at Kai Nan....

It's called the "if-China-suddenly-attacks-Taiwan drill."

My 同學 were asking if we had that in America as well, to which I said that we did have some drills, which lead to the only-slightly-less-stupid question, "可是你們跟中國沒有這種的問題吧?"/ "But you don't have this kind of problem with China, right?"

Well... 當然.

Duh.

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 14:50:38 GMT

Last night I went with my [host] parents and Rotarians to dinner. Coming home was... exciting? My dad has this new car; it's a Lexus LS460. He doesn't call it his "new car," though, no it's his "toy." A toy he proudly proclaims cost him $180,000 USD and comes with all the features. "Features" means 4 heated leather seats, the back two being massage recliners. It means it's an auto-manual, 8 speed, 8 cylinder. It means it has two DVD players and a 6-deck CD player. It means a push-button parking break that releases when you hit the gas and cruise control that has a built in sensor to adjust to the speed of the car in front of you. It's black body, black interior. And it's a "very fancy car" (in my dad's words).

I mentioned we were coming home from dinner, right? Did I mention that during dinner my dad had downed quite a bit of beer, quite a bit of whiskey? I think I also forgot to put a note in about it being a rainy night, and that the restaurant was a long way away from home, meaning we were taking the highway. To set the mood, my dad had to blast the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack (through his excellent sound system). And then, with the heated-massage-recliner-seats in the back, my mom opted for those, saying I should sit in the front (so my dad didn't feel like a cheuffer). Of course, the last bit here is that when my dad drinks he only wants to speak English (mind you, he speaks perfect English and has a good accent, too).

So let me start this story over: It's dark, it's raining, we're on the highway in a new $180,000 Lexus, a booming organ plays the Phantom theme, my dad is driving fast, drunkenly fast, my mom's in the back asleep, and even though I should be afraid, I'm having an amazing English chat with my dad.

He's right, "very fancy car."

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 13:57:49 GMT

Wow! You guys, don't take this the wrong way, but I can't believe all you have to write about is your classes, class schedule, homework, test schedule, etc etc etc. I know, I know, I'm not in college, so if I was I would know what ya'll are going through. But really, for a look into the world back home, all I can tell is that everyone has been overloaded with work lately.

Anyways, Taiwan. TAIWAN! Actually, I have about a million new things to complain about of late, but why bother? The good still outweighs the bad, and I'll be home in less than three months now, so I'll just try to suck it up and appreciate all that I do enjoy here.

But surely I have some interesting story to tell... Hmm, tomorrow is Grave Sweeping Day. It's kind of like Memorial Day, and it's kind of like Dia de los Muertos. It's more important and eventful than the former, but less eventful than the latter. It also means we have two days off school, and it comes at a nice time, too, with the Easter holidays. But for me, with my classmates all testing, I didn't have to go to school and have had the whole week off. Extra good. The weather hasn't been nice, but that means going to the Hot Springs is perfect-- which is what I did yesterday with my mom and auntie. I'm trying to get closer to this host mom, but I wish she listened more when I have something to say.

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 11:18:11 GMT

Why bothing just posting when one can make a picture post? I have a cold... or something that causes my head to pound as if I had a hangover, so I am spendning time doing nothing-- that is sleeping, watching movies, and playing around on the computer. Whereas I normally have no patience to make a post (let alone one with pictures), I suppose now is catch-up time.

Taiwan... ah, well, my feelings towards you are mixed.

I am a Dragon... which I've heard is the best. :-P

They made me into a statue. Pretty good, right? Yup, they got all the details down, I'd say-- the cool air of confidence, the easy going attitude... the pudge I've put on here, lol

Check it out... a temple in the mountains... sounds cool right? Well, not after seeing this many.

Cool scenery, right? These mountains are almost purely marble.

Who ever heard of making a Lunar New Year ginger bread house? And I thought that was a German tradition...

Taiwan's NE coast

Oh... And I made the papers :-)

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 03:26:54 GMT

There are some cultural differences I just plain don't want to get over.... like the other night when I told my mom I was going to go see "The Pursuit of Happiness," but because I couldn't remember how to say the title of the movie in Chinese (it was long and not a direct translation), I instead called it "That new movie with Will Smith, the really tall, good-looking black guy, with his son..."

And my grandma, hearing this says under her breath to my mom, "What black man could possibly be good looking?"

The attitudes of the older generations here sometimes REALLY piss me off.

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 16:19:10 GMT

Did you know that livejournal doesn't display it's Chinese page with Taiwanese traditional characters, even though that's what the web browser is set to? Um, random, and probably incomprehensible.

Anyways, I can't sleep. Maybe it's from a whole six week vacation of going to bed super late and trying to get back onto a normal schedule, or maybe it's the tea I drank a little bit ago, or maybe it's the homesickness I feel right now. But why am I homesick? That's probably the question that's really keeping me up.

Needless to say, it's a very mixed feeling. I get nostalgic sometimes about the past, and I'm really excited about the future. But that's not so abnormal. It's that I also miss Taiwan at the same time... and I'm still here, but it's this knowledge that I am so comfortable with life here, and know I will cry so hard when I go home, like someone has died. And though I am still here and can still appreciate it, it's a very bittersweet feeling, tinted a bit off-color by the inevitable end of all of it. As my friend in France said, "I'm starting to think about life after exchange and I'm scared." But then, my sister told me that does seem to be the nature of this sort of thing, and, really, I do know that what I'm going through is something every other exchange student has also encountered. When I go home, I want to be a ROTEX.

In the meantime, I miss my dad. We used to take the late afternoon of a Saturday to get in his truck and drive to the grocery store as the sun set straight ahead of us on 23rd St, and I would wonder at how he could drive without pulling down the visor, which he, of course, couldn't do because every important envelope was stuffed between it and the car ceiling.

We used to think ourselves ingenious for finding ways to make three wrinkled potatoes and half a dozen eggs into a meal, with our dinner entertainment being PBS. Then, when our two cats would start to lurk around for attention he'd say, "Now we have our whole family here." With those meals, he'd always drink a full glass of milk. Or two.

We used to sometimes listen to Paul Simon, vinyl records, on fall mornings; the sound was gliped and scratched by flecks of dust. He knew all the words. After a while I did, too.

We used to sometimes spend an entire day (or two, or three) under the hood of a car, and for all my life, every time I smell grease and red dirt I will think of him. Well, it was really him under the hood. I was just around for moral support. When it got too dark to work, and he was too frusterated by the car besides, we'd clean up and go out for pho. It always tasted better than anything, as our appetite was seasoned by hunger, and finishing off a bowl left you completely satisfied.

We used to sit on our balocony after an hour-long walk, talking about anything because we never ran out of things to say. Even in the city the cicadas were noisy as the spring ripened.

We used to try to make the most out of Christmas. And I always thought it was adorable how red his nose got in the winter when it was cold, like after we'd spent an hour on the roof hanging cheap Wal Mart lights. He wanted to make something eventful out of all of it, but I knew he only did because it made him happy to see me getting into it with him. Really he's a simple guy, but we both would cheer the other on, always nicer to find things to be happy about when there's plenty to be sad about already.

We used to mutually hate going to the laundry mat, and yet, smelling my dad's scent on his cloths and sheets as I threw them into the machine always made me remember being a kid; when I was sick, he used to let me have his spot on my parents bed. It was the most comforting thing to fall asleep there, my face resting against the pillow filled with that scent. The last person I saw before coming here was him; the last person I hugged before coming here was him. And I remember that scent on him, just his smell, as we said goodbye quick, both turning around to walk away before the tears in each of our eyes could burst. Six months later, I still remember that smell.

"...do you know what time is it?
Well the hour of your bedtime's long been passed
And though I know you're fighting it
I can tell when you rub your eyes you're fading fast
Oh, fading fast..."

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 17:45:12 GMT

Celebrating Chinese New Year in Taiwan has probably been the most amazing part of my trip! I love this place, I love my life! I am so happy, that I can't sleep, and this is only day one of the 15 day holiday! See here's to a great

First of all, there's lots of food involved in all this.... Praying to one's ancestors and offering gifts of food and money are a basic part of all of it. So, for our ancestors, there was fruit and flowers, and, well, lots of stuff.

We had a big meal on this New Year's Eve, too. This is Ama, Baba's mother. She's crazy and crazy fun.

The last minute preparations on the meal, even Gege (older brother; center) and Didi (little brother; left) helped out Mama (right).

Baba is actually a really good cook. Here he's shelling shrimp that are the size of a telephone reciever. Ick; me, I'm allergic.

Our cat, Doa Doa. He obnoxiously took Baba's spot at the head of the table and wouldn't get up til he got his red envelope!

Well, that is... Gege found a way for Baba to get his seat back, and dinner started.

Gan bei! Mama and Baba make their toast; gon xi fa cai! Xin nian kuai le!

And me, crazy happy, really full, wishing everyone a happy new year!

I love my old family, but now that I've changed hosts, I love my new family too! I am so happy here, I don't even know how to describe it!

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 10:35:25 GMT

A speaker stands up before students and calls up a volunteer. He's given a piece of gum; he chews it for five seconds, then is asked to spit it out and hold on to it. The speaker asks for another volunteer who is willing to chew that piece of gum. No want ones to chew someone else's gum, but eventually someone volunteers. She chews the gum for five seconds, then spits it out likewise. A third, fourth, fifth, and more end up volunteering to chew the same piece of gum, until a total of eighteen people have had a five-second turn. The lesson? It was a Health Class lecture about the spread of STDs. Parents call and complain; "'Gum game' deemed 'repulsive.'" Well, isn't that the point? Chewing gum makes a bad comparison for HIV, but the exercise got to the heart of the issue. All these kids chose to chew the gum despite the fact that someone in that line up could have been sick, passing it along to everyone else.

Of course, the district could have been sued over it, so this very vivid though effectivly gross lesson was thrown out. "Repulsive," they describe ABC gum. Just imagine what adjectives they could come up with for gonorrhea.

Read more: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17077920/?GT1=9033

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 11:09:22 GMT

我最近都沒有寫我的生活的事˙對不起ˋ不是太忙的關係ˋ就是我常常會忘記寫日記˙我現在住新的家˙我會說住這兒可以讓我有好多好多新的和特別的經驗ˋ我希望沒有什麼問題˙我知道用好的態度跟禮貌是最好ˋ這樣子什麼事都會過的很好˙在我的新家裡我有弟弟(16歲)還有哥哥(21歲)˙他們都對我好ˋ但是我覺得以後我會跟弟弟比較好像真真的家人˙跟哥哥我應該沒有問題ˋ可是因為他住在台南我們常常不會再一起ˋ而且他是比較安靜的˙就是因為他回家過年ˋ所以我們還有時間可以認識更好一點點˙我們家也有一位阿媽˙她很好笑ˋ我有朋友們也跟一個阿媽一起住ˋ但是他們的都聽起來是瘋狂的! 我的不是˙其實她80歲ˋ可是她還可以做事也會跟我聊天˙她好有趣的ˋ她的最好的語言不是國語或者台語˙˙˙也不是Hakka（但是這三個她也會）ˋ她的第一個語言就是日文˙奇怪嗎？其實還好˙台灣一定有很多跟她一樣的人ˋ因為她的同時代的人都是日本人在台灣的時候生出來的˙事實上國語是她的最近學得語言˙她英文也還可以˙爸爸說不定常常不會在家ˋ可是媽媽是很好的和關心我的事˙我的新家只有一個問題˙˙˙因為這家在安康是真不方便的˙啊！不要這樣子ˋ可是因為沒辦法ˋ所以沒關係！噢ˋ對了！我們家很大也很舒服˙

It's been such a long time since I made a decent update... sorry. It's not really that I'm busy or anything, just that I don't ever get around to posting. I've changed host families, now... I think living here will be fine, and I'll have plenty of good experiences. I hope there's no problems.... but I know with a good attitude and by just being polite will gaurentee everything goes well. This family has two brothers, one 16 and one 21, and they're both really nice. I think in the end, I'll be closest to the younger brother. It's not like I have any problems with the older brother, but he lives in a different city, and he's quieter. It's only because of Chinese New Year that he's home and I can get to know him. This family also has a grandmother living with them. She's really funny. I have some exchange friends who also live with grandmothers, but from all their stories, it sounds like their grandma's are all crazy. Ｍine isn't. Actually, she's 80, but she still goes out and does things, and she loves to chat. She's really interesting. Her best language isn't Taiwanese or Chinese... it's not even Hakka (even though she can also speak all three of these). Her best language is Japanese. Weird, huh? Actually, not really. I bet Taiwan has a lot of people like her because her generation was all born during the time that Taiwan was a Japanese colony. In fact, Chinese is her most recently learned language, though she also can speak a little English. My dad I'll probably not see much because it sounds like he's never at home, but my mom is really nice and caring. There's only one problem with living here.... My new house is in An Kang, so it's really inconvenient (because it's soooo far away). I wish it wasn't, but since there's nothing to be done about it, I guess it's alright. Oh, and also... Our house is huuuuuugggeeee and reallyy comfortable.

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 08:05:18 GMT

The weather was perfect today. I went with Adora to a park. We saw old people teeter-tottering. Another one swayed back and forth on the fake horsey. It was surreal.

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 12:20:25 GMT

Why is it that I only make updates when there's an earthquake? I suppose it's some sort of news-worthy story is all. So, today's earthquake was 6.2; I don't know where it's epicenter was. From where I was it felt like a 3 or 4. In other words, about the same as all the others.

This is going to now be a very vain post. I will probably regret the absolute bitchiness of it later, but for now I'm still being very proud (which is a sin, did you know?) But alas, in Taiwan people are humble, so where else am I to brag but where Americans will be the only ones to hear of it? So...

My Rotary district has 40 or so students, and we all take required Chinese classes. Every quarter, we have a big placement test to group students of like levels together. Along with this test, our teachers are allowed to voice their personal input/feelings. The first quarter I came in third. This now being the end of the second quarter, we tested last Monday. How did Mary do? I am tied for first place! My comrade on that #1 is Erina, a Japanese student. But she's cool, I don't mind that we're tied. I beat Sam, though... Muahaha. No, only kidding. If he saw me write that, he'd laugh at my zealousness.

And tomorrow... I will go shopping. Oh yes, I am finally taking advantage of all these cheap clothes!

Pictures....

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 14:07:49 GMT

I have the most excellent

My class at school..... (well, some of them at least).....

They threw me a party! This was the ceremonious cake cutting, of course, me having already changed out of our awful school uniforms (as seen on my classmates).

Then I took a trip to this place....

...where my family took me and my sister here to a hot springs in Central Taiwan's mountains-- what's shown in the back.

We had a lot of fun, but probably the best part was sitting in the Japanese style room Yi Chu and I shared with a bottle of wine (which we also shared)... we stayed up til 4 that night, whether because ouf tatami/futon beds were so uncomfortable or because we had that much to chat about, I'm not sure...

The next day we took advantage of the excellent landscape to pose...

...and pose...

...and pose...

...and (quite vainly) pose...

...and (less vanity here) pose...

...and pose for what I consider the best picture, lol...

After the hot springs we went to a different city where my other sister lives with here puppy named Luffy (and yes, Lance, the name comes from the same source)

And even though he was really cute and even Yi Chu liked him... my sister had to get rid of him because my dad wouldn't allow it. So, she gave it to a friend...

Ahh, it was cool, yeah...

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 07:49:02 GMT

I'm so happy for all of you who are already in college, taking classes, have at least some of the anxiety of all the paper work taken care of. I wish I did, too. Actually, if you have any thoughts on anything i'm about to say, I'd appreciate the comments.

I'm freaking out, see. My plan last year went something like this: apply to college, get accepted, defer for a year, come back and have everything waiting for me-- that way I wouldn't have to think about it at all while I am on exchange. In actuality it doesn't work like that, though. Well, maybe it does, and I'm just imagining this stress for the personal hype, but I would rather worry when there's nothing to worry about than have it all fall apart in my lap for lack of attention.

First, I'm worried that the scholarship I have won't be there for me when I get back. That would really be a bother, seeing as I chose my college based on whoever gave me the most money, and at the moment I have close to a full ride, and I don't know what I'd do without the money. The scholarship is given by the honors school-- they look at each year's applicants and chose the 20 best to recieve it. Which means, even though out of last year's stock I did get the award, I don't necessarily make the cut for this year. Furthermore, if I am to recieve the same award again this year, then I need to make sure that my application actually gets put through the system again this year, like the woman said it would last year. But it's a big school, lots of students. Things could go wrong. And even if I don't get the honors scholarship again this year, I would be able to fall back on the lesser scholarship that the school gave me based on my highschool records and tests. It all seems to hinge on whether they actually put my application back in the pool for scholarships or not. Let's hope they did. Actually, as a measure to check up on that sort of thing, I did email the shcool in December, but I got a reply back that it had been forwarded up through the bureaucracy for another person to read and reply to. But then the school went on winter vacation. Until now, I haven't had any way to see what is up... and I still am not quite sure who the right person is to email for next time.

Secondly, there's the FAFSA. How does one fill out that sort of thing, trying to claim a daughter who lives in a foreign country for tax purposes and what it may mean for the year when she comes back? Futhermore, one of my parents (or both of them) is going to have to claim me, which means that whoever the government believes me to be living with really ought to be the truth... or they may be giving money based on a false salary estimate. Or something. Why does it seem so complicated?

The third thing is orientation and enrollment. I should be around for my school's orientation, and I believe I should be able to enroll at that time... but there's always all this talk about the "priority" time to enroll, and I still dont' know when that is, but worry it will be something like April or May... when there's no way for me to do anything about it.

The fourth thing isn't so much college related, but I need to set the date for my return to the US. I have to leave by the end of June, it's Taiwanese Rotary rules, and I can't leave earlier than the 15th because of school. Because no one wants to end school and fly out the next day, that gives me the idea that the earliest I can come home would be the 22nd or so, the latest the 30th (that estimate doesn't include the immense amount of travel time). I have a week's window to work in, and can probably manage it... except that to make the arrangement, I will need to get access to my ticket, to have it in my hand... which may be a hastlesome thing to do. You'd think, "But Mary, you're in a foreign country, what do you mean you don't have your ticket?" Well, it's Rotary guys-- I get here and fork over all important documents based on their rules. And it's really not the most effecient body at getting things done-- even just the simple act of returning a plane ticket.

I just worry I'll wait to long to take care of all of these things, and then it all caves in-- there's no time to get on the ball-- it rolled past long ago. And I feel a little helpless to deal with any of it, being this far away... and what college student asks their mom to go handle things for them?

My (possibly unnecessary) freak out being over, then, I have one last thing to complain about: I'm changing families. No, I mean, like soon. It's Rotary rules; get more experiences that way or something. But I love my family-- they are my _real_ family, you know? And now we're all good and comfortable in our lifestyles... and in 3 weeks, less really, it's all over. I'll move to a much less convenient place, and instead of a cool sister who I get along with (like I have right now), I'll have a 16 year old brother, who-- if my comparison to all other Taiwanese boys is correct-- won't really talk to me much or want to go anyplace with me. My sister says we can still see eachother, but it's hard enough to schedule her now-- and we live together! I don't know what next my mom is like, but my next dad is also my Rotary consuelor and speaks English perfectly. Well, he better get used to the fact really fast that I haven't learned this much only to be set back so far in the last half of my year because he wants to speak English with me at home. I have all my life left to do that. Arg, sigh.

But maybe this is all a bit overreacted. I'm hungry, in class, and only have ten minutes left. My classmates keep talking about how fast I can type-- dispite my insistence that English is just *that* much easier to type than Chinese... I mean, really. Type Chinese? It's possible, but troublesome.

*edit: I only hav five minutes left of class... no, sorry. 2. 1.

Sat, 30 Dec 2006 14:38:42 GMT

I went to our district's RYLA (Rotary Youth Leadership Awards) convention. I had so much fun and met some great people! This was my group, we were performing a play about how leaders build confidence in others... which we won 2nd place for! Haha, dorky, most defiently, but these guys were so much fun!

I am learning Tae Kwon Do, too. In fact, our coach calls me 小老師 or [besically] class leader. The uniforms Rotary bought for us-- on the front is printed our Chinese names (mine is 陳逸蘭 or Chen Yi Lan), and on the back is printed 臺灣 or Taiwan.

So, my class went ahead and had that 3-legged race, but with only 30 people instead of our full 43. I wasn't in it because I wasn't there for all the practice sessions. We won, though!

My classmates, their legs tied together, waiting for the race to start. I think the middle two are the cutest in my class. Of course, they're what? 16, 17? So my say doesn't really matter. Don't they look happy here, though? Guys are less inhibited here than American guys about social norms-- aka, in the middle of class, it's not at all weird for a guy to be giving another guy a massage. Eh, culture.

After our win, celebrating... Ignore Xiao Bing's (far left) hand.

My really good friends... "Lotion" is the girl, she's tiny. "Jay" is the one wearing the colored contacts, and he thinks he's teh siht, and "Bear" is the quiet on in back.

This was RYLA again, my group-- very traditional lunch there, too.

And my group completly... we were called "bananas"... but I still don't know why? We had to choose a name, and I guess that was just it.

My sister and I... proud of our christmas accomplishments with the tree... I'm still in my uniform from school, sorry.

We went to the zoo-- why does this guy remind me of Gandalf?

I signed Adora's butt... Mate, he just wrote Hungarian profanity

My hair before today...

My hair now...

...and now...

and now!

Christmas, etc

Tue, 26 Dec 2006 13:47:14 GMT

We just had another earthquake here. I have no idea how big it was-- maybe a 3.5, from where I felt it, or a 4. The only way I knew it was happening was how incredibly dizzy I felt all of a sudden. I was sitting doing a watercolor for homework, and the water in my dish was rocking back and forth with my dizziness, so I just figured. I got up and went to see my host parents. My dad was sitting watching TV, tells me not to worry-- it's nothing. My mom, just getting out of the shower, has her hair all in a wet tangle and is less relaxed about it than my dad. That's the second one I've actually felt here, though I'm sure there've been other, smaller ones.

Well, Christmas is now on its way out. I had an amazing holiday despite being in a country that doesn't celebrate it. It started last week with us putting up a Christmas tree in my living. My dad played a CD with children singing Jingle Bells in Taiwanese. He sang along, and told me I should learn it, even though the day before he said learning Taiwanese isn't really a good idea. Thursday was the 21st, the solstice's eve. Chinese lunar calander marks it as an important holiday, so we ate a soup that traditionally was believed to keep people hearty through the winter and help them grow before the close of the year. The next day was a Friday, and I stayed home. My dad, a Buddihst, prepared a whole table of offerings and put it in front of the family shrine. We later ate more winter food designed to bring health on the coldest, shortest day of the year. I then wrapped two presents for my family and put them under the tree, saying we couldn't open them til Christmas.

Friday night was the start of RYLA-- Rotary Youth Leadership Awards. With the other 60 exchange studnets, and about 120 Taiwanese students, we all stayed the weekend at a conference meant to teach internationalism and philranthropy. It was practically in the backyard of the Grand Hotel, one of Taiwan's most famous places. I enjoyed the event-- I met many new people. Everyone there was somewhere between 16 and 22 ish, with a some a few years older acting as our supservisors. It was nice because we were all young.

We were seperated into groups; mine included two other exchange students and maybe half-a-dozen Taiwanese. They elected me their group leader. It was fun, and I felt very proud of myself to be able to carry on in Chinese like that. Many of the Taiwanese students spoke English very well, but I said we should conduct everything in Chinese, as that was the language of Taiwan. Of these new friends, there was Candy (who studied in England), Sabrina (who studied in Florida), and Wei Xin, "Willis," (who studied in Dallas). Really, I made friends with them all, but I think Wei Xin was the coolest because he was more willing to participate than others, plus he speaks Spanish and German, too. That's just damn impressive.

We did many things, but what I liked most was the performances, the dance party, and especially the "graduation ceremony" at the end where students were asked to come on stage and speak about what they thought of the event. The coordiator of our Tae Kwon Do classes, a Rotarian named "Uncle Stock", asked me before hand if I would be willing to come up on stage and talk for "five minutes or more." Haha! Five minutes in Chinese in front of Rotary and 200 people. Well, I did it, and I was very proud of how it went. Everyone laughed at the jokes I threw in, and understood it all. Before I was allowed to go off stage though, Uncle Stock wanted to ask me a few questions: Where are you from? America. How old are you? In three weeks, 19. And how long have you been studying Chinese? Since I came to Taiwan, four months already. *awes from the audience* So you mean you haven't studied it before? No. *more awes* I'm an ass for saying so, but I feel like Rotary's star pupil or the one they want to flaunt and advertise.

On the one hand, that's not bad. I don't mind it. On the other hand, it's such a ridiculous thing-- why do I know Chinese? Because my classmates and family don't know English. Because I go to the worst school in Taipei, I have friends who want to talk (in Chinese, as English isn't an option) in class instead of listen to the lesson, and go out at night with me instead of going to cram school. At home, I have a sister who can speak English, but is so afriad of being wrong that she doesn't. I speak Chinese and am the token of Rotary only because I had the lucky circumstance to be placed with the Rotary and Taiwan's least likely candidates of being their national "tokens." If that makes sense. Yet more ironic, is how Rotary never speaks to its exchange students in Chinese-- they use English. And yet expect us to learn Chinese. I have learned it so well by avoiding these Rotarians, and spending as little time as possible in our 3x/week planned gatherings of all [English speaking] exchange students. In other words, I am got a gold star from Rotary for avoiding Rotary and hanging out with the city's "lack luster" citizens, the opposite of Taiwanese Rotarians. Hah. Irony.

When I got home Sunday night from the RYLA event, my family took me out for Christmas Eve dinner at a Western restaurant. It was funny to see my parents eating with forks and knives. Sometime during dinner, my sister told me how our mom doesn't like that we call eachother fat. My dad, being great and so unlike most Taiwanese who call just about anyone fat, said our cultures were all too funny, that men in South America would find all three of us, me, Yi Chu, and my mom, completely ugly, and what was the big deal? Thanks "Uncle Peter." Afterwards, we paid a visit to our Rotary club president, and sat in his living room to chat. It was like visiting friends on Christmas. He gave us a fish to take home and cook (apparently a good, expensive fish) for a Christmas gift.

When we got home, my sister was all, "I want to open my present, I want to open my present. Mary! Hurry up!" I told her she was acting like a little American child, but maybe it was all an act to make me feel at home. My sister got a illustrated "Young Adult Novel" in English telling the story of Piniccho. She said she loves it. My family as a whole got "Home Alone" on DVD cause they always watch movies, and this one was funny and a Christmas story, besides. But then, my mom brings me presents. I feel bad-- I got them small things because I knew it wasn't their culture, so I didn't want to make a big deal of it. But my mom got me a purse (a very cute purse, she has good taste), and my sister got me pearl earrings/necklace. It was incredible! But... I get my sister a kids' book and she gives me pearls? Ay! I love them for it though.

Yesterday, Christmas Day, I went with a handful of exchange students to a morning Catholic mass. The service was held in English, but the priest was Vietnamese. The congregation was a mix of people from Belize and Panama to Norway and Italy, to Japan, Inda, and the Phillipines. The only sort of people who weren't there were Taiwanese. It was an incredible service. After that I got the biggest, most expensive, most American-holiday tasting Starbucks latte, and went to my school to deliver presents. I felt like Santa. It was lunch time, and I came in with candy, pins made from American pennies (pins are ia big deal here-- everyone wants on for their bags, jackets, pencil boxes, etc), and cards. I had to leave though to get to Chinese class, so I left them. After class, I finished the holiday off at a TGI Fridays in Central Taipei with about 30 other exchange students. I came home, then, and talked using a new calling card I bought to America for about 3 hours-- from Amy, Mom, Dad, Rob, Linda to Julie, Elliott, Elodie, and Samantha. I didn't call Rach though, sorry! Merry Christmas anyways

Today? Well, I was tired from staying up so late on the phone, so I slept a lot in school. We did have out 3-legged race today though (though I wasn't in it), and we won! Exciting! Now I just have to figure out my New Years Plans.